Cómpeta - The World's Best Toasts

At dinner last night, we were noticing that Spanish do not engage in elaborate gestures with their toasts. There is a perfunctory 'saluté'... a small raising of the glass... and that's it... it's all over. The ladies walking group have lived as expatriates in many parts of the world and provided reliable information on various ways of toasting.

I was recommending the Australian male version of the toast which involves (in order of importance):

:-) making sure the glass is full... right to the top

:-) avoid all eye contact

:-) when the toast 'proposer' has said his/her piece... join in the chorus of, "yea... whatever"

:-) in the act of raising the glass for the toast... continue raising until the glass contacts the lips... and in as few mouthfuls as possible... empty the glass

The English ladies would not support this style as the universal standard to be taken up by the EU or the UN. They mumbled criticisms that mentioned 'uncouth' and 'lacking sincerity'.

One of the ladies is married to a Swedish gentleman... and she explained the ritual of the Swedish court on formal occasions. It goes something like this.

:-) The process commences with the host proposing a toast to the guest of honour seated on the right. The only person who drinks the toast is the host. Next, the host proposes to the guest next to the guest of honour... and both the host and the guest of honour drink. The rules allow guests to drink only after they have been toasted.

:-) The process of making the toast requires concentration and precise eye-hand coordination. The toast proposer and the guest being toasted must maintain eye contact while the toast is proposed. All supporters of the toast (i.e. those who have already been toasted) will make eye contact with the person being toasted. All will raise their glasses to eye level... maintaining eye contact with the person being toasted. They will take a sip of wine... maintaining eye contact with the person being toasted. They will then lower their glasses to the level of the third button on their shirt/blouse... maintaining eye contact with the person being toasted.

Everyone of our hiking group were most impressed... how courteous... how gracious... how civilised. Johnny... our friend from Northumberland... a man of practical thinking... wanted to know if the number of guests at state occasions ever numbered more than one hundred... and wanted to know if any of them went home thirsty. I supported Johnny's concerns and predicted such a toasting regime would send the wine industry broke. It may survive in Sweden... they don't have a wine industry to support... but Australia would never stand for it.

Our concerns didn't count for much with the walking group ladies. Their minds were on romance... chivalry... exaggerated manners. They gave little credit for a toasting system that is efficient and likely to allow Jack to think he is as good as his master. I don't hold out high hope for the Australian toasting system gaining universal adoption.