New Car Blues - Man! I Feel Like A Fiat!

You know these moaners who go on and on about how car hire firms dud them on rental contracts... I don't want to be like them... yes I do... we feel we got dudded... and it's hard getting used to it.

We asked for a Polo (VW)... and were cast off with a Fiat. My son tells me that the word FIAT is an acronym for "found in a tip". He suffered a similar experience on his trip to Sicily in June. We had handed our beloved "Peggy" back to the Peugeot people and were still suffering withdrawal symptoms when we picked up a hire car at Heathrow. This process meant we were subjected to frontal assault from a high-powered sales lady determined to sell us every upgrade option available from her company. In our attempt to keep her hands off our wallet... we annoyed her... not intentionally... but when we said "No thank you" to the umpteenth special upgrade, I could tell from the foam forming in the corner of her lips that she was not happy. With our heads spinning, we found ourselves sitting in a Fiat being shown the exit gate... with yet another lecture ringing in our ears about our irresponsibility at not accepting her generous offer to waive the excess on insurance claims for a mere £15 per day extra.

Joye and I sat in the car and both said, "Not happy!" hence our latest rental car has been named "Jan"... as in "not happy Jan". Gradually, we have grown to realise that we need to change our mindset... no longer the upward aspirant Peugeot driver with ambitions of one day buying a second hand BMW... no longer the conservative retiree driver foregoing a parking spot because the back tyre would sit on the white line boundary. No! We need to adopt the mindset of the Fiat driver... young... irresponsible... fast... indebted... looking for fun.

To make the change in mindset, we are attempting to write a poem that can illustrate to Jan that we are on her wavelength. Your contribution in either adding further verses... or improving our meager attempts... would be very much appreciated.

Let's go cars! Come on.

I'm going out today-I'm feelin' alright
Gonna put my foot to the floor
Wanna make some noise-really honk my horn
Yeah, I wanna scream and roar
No inhibitions - make no conditions
Let my tyre ride on the centre white line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time

The best thing about being a Fiat
Is the prerogative to have a little fun

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a baby
Flirt with Mercs - block Audi's spurts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, drive'n with no style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Rev till they stare - do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a Fiat!

This car needs a break - tonight we're gonna take
The chance to burn out this town
We don't need prestige-we only wanna make speed
We're gonna keep our windows down

The best thing about being a Fiat
Is the prerogative to have a little fun

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a baby
Merc's flirt - Audi's spurt
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, drive'n with no style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Rev till they stare-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a Fiat!

Don't get totally lazy
Can you feel it
Come, come, wake up baby
I feel like a Fiat

(Apologies to the composer of "Man, I feel like a Woman")